Top Ten HTML Extensions that Did Not Make it Into Netscape 0.9 (*)

1. <WIRED>...</WIRED>
Renders the enclosed text in Sturm und Drang 374 Medium Bold Condensed,
in light purple on a neon orange background. Tells you repeatedly
how cool you are for using netscape.

2. <ROACH>....</ROACH>
When selected, the enclosed text runs and hides under the nearest window.
OR, giggles a lot and demands nachos, depending on your definition of
"roach." (the formal definition, of course, to be determined by the
Official Honorary Internet Standards Committee For Moving Really Slowly.)

Should anyone foolish enough to think that HTML is still SGML and try and
run a netscape-html document through an SGML editor, processor, or other
tool, this tag causes an immediate core dump, erases anything on your
disk with "DTD" in the name, and emails a randomly-selected insult to Tim

Inserts "zippyisms" into the enclosed text. Perfect for those professional

5. <SECRET>....</SECRET>
In order to read the enclosed text, you have to have secret spy decoder
glasses (available direct from Mcom for a reasonable fee).

You can also read it by holding your computer in front of a full moon
during the autumn solstice.

6. <HYPE>
Causes Marc Andreesen to magically appear and grant you an interview
(whether you want one or not).

Please use this tag sparingly.

7. <PEEK>...</PEEK>
8. <POKE>...</POKE>
So you want more control over screen layout in HTML? Well, here ya go.

Summons the elder gods to suck away your immortal soul. Or Bill Gates, if
the elder gods are busy.

Unpredictable (but amusing) results occur when the <YOGSOTHOTH> and
<HYPE> tags are used in close proximity.

(*) because they ran out of beer.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not on anyone's side. I have a 100.4 degree fever,
six chapters to write in 13 days, three hours sleep and way too
much blood in my cafeine stream. I hate everyone.

Copyright (c) 1994 Laura Lemay. Copy this without my name on it and I'll
come to your house and make you read netscape documents using lynx.