Newsgroups: rec.motorcycles
From: gbrewer@icsl.ucla.edu (Gregory A. Brewer)
Subject: Re: Help me!  I have MOTB!!!!!
Date: Fri, 23 Jun 1995 20:20:59 GMT

In article (DAL2Et.1JL@bigtop.dr.att.com),
John W. Markus (jmarkus@kimpek.dr.att.com) wrote:
:
:Ok.  I know we've all had our occasional ilnesses because of motorcycles
:(such as new bike fever, or Ducati lust), however, I think I've contracted
:the deadly MOTB.  (Motorcycles On The Brain)  The last few weeks I've been
:showing the tell-tale symptoms, but I need a second opinion.
:
:Symptom1-  I wave to EVERY motorcyclist I see, even scooter operators.
:Even across 6 lanes of heavy traffic.  Even when (God forbid) I'm in
:a cage.

Don't wave when you are in a cage because people would actually think you
cared. 

:Symptom2-  Uncontrollable drooling when passing by a motorcycle dealer.

Walk around with a bib tied on.... get one that has a little motorcycle
painted on it so everyone will know what is wrong with that.

:Symptom3-  Profuse sweating and occasional moaning when in physical
:contact with a shiney new bike.

Stop doing this or you may go blind or your palms will get hairy or both.

:Symptom4-  When I'm in a cage and come to a stop, I have an uncontrollable
:urge to put my foot down to balence the cage.  (And have attempted to do
:so on occasion, but the cage floor intereferes with this action.)

Unless you drive really weird, this is a easy habit to break. Just 
hit yourself in the nose with a newspaper.

:Symptom5-  When I walk around a corner, I lean into the turn.

Ahhh.... that explains it... I thought you were drunk.

:Symptom6-  If I jog around a corner, I actually initiate my turn by
:leaning in the opposite direction of the turn.

I sure hope you don't ride like this.... Me my self, I just try to push 
my arm out that is closest to the apex of the turn and pull the other 
arm back and stick out my knee.... It is kinda hard to do this. I kept banging
my knee on the corner of the wall. But now that I jog with knee pucks, it 
doesn't hurt anymore. 

:Symptom7-  While walking/jogging around a corner, I try to keep a constant 
:speed, and not slow down while cornering.

Again I think this personal preference me I set up my entrance speed on the 
corner and if it isn't a spiraling staircase, I run faster coming out of the 
turn trying to be smooth and sure. 

:Symptom8-  I keep looking through the bike classifieds, even though I'm
:not planning on getting a new bike.  (Well, at least for a couple months
:anyway)

This is actually good. Except being from Denver myself, the Rocky Mountain News
and the Denver Post classifieds sucked which only leaves you wanting more.
If this gets any worse and you can't help it, you may have to go out
and shoot yourself. Go ahead just leave a note that Dr. Brew said it 
was okay.

:symptom9-  I occasionally make 'Vroom Vroom' noises for no apparent reason.

This is most likely a side effect of working at AT+T....... if you don't 
thinks so.... You Will.

:So, what's your diagnosis?


My ultimate diagnosis is go out and buy a new bike...... Buy a deserving 
Graduate Student one as well (This way you can feel like you aren't being
selfish) I'd like a  Zx9 or 916. Then ride the bejesus out of until the
symptoms start again.

Peace

Brew